A Minor Annoyance
by classicdoctorwhorocks
Summary: The personnel of UNIT minus Jo, the Doctor and the Brigadier are de-aged. Chaos ensues.


It all started when the Doctor and Jo came back from the planet Flitterbloom, having spent several hours admiring the multi-coloured daisies. Unfortunately, Jo suffered from allergies, and stayed inside the TARDIS, with instructions to the Doctor to take pictures with her camera.

Half an hour after their return, after lunch, Captain Yates requested a new uniform, as his usual one seemed to be 'rather large'. He returned at the age of about six years old three hours later, accompanied by a nine-year-old Benton, whose large uniform was threatening to drown him.

Now, a further two hours later, the uniform department had finally given up, and half-naked children were now running through the UNIT halls. Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge-Stewart was wading through the scramble, and taking swipes at any children who got near him.

'_Corporal Jenkins!_' He bellowed. 'Kindly stop squirming! That is an _order_, Corporal!'

'Oh, lighten up, Brigadier,' said Jo happily. 'They're just little boys. Not counting Carol Bell, or course. Anyway, they are rather adorable, don't you think?' she smiled in a motherly fashion.

'I'm not playing with the boys!' screeched five-year-old Corporal Bell insistently. 'They won't let me play, and they smell!'

_Some things never change, _thought Alistair.

'Alright, alright!' he said loudly. 'All you lot look this way! There you are! Come on!' The two hundred or so boys plus Corporal Bell quietened down, and eyed the Brigadier curiously.

'I would like to make things very clear. This building is controlled by the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce. If you bother any of the security… no, never mind,' he said hastily, as he spotted the ten-year-old security chief in the crowd. 'Alright, if you cross _me, _then there will be consequences. You will refer to me as Sir, is that understood?'

A sea of tiny heads nodded, as a now six-year-old John Benton raised his hand tentatively.

'Mister Sir?' He said nervously, prompting muffled laughter from the Doctor and Jo.

'Yes, soldier?'

'Do you have a sofa?'

{DW}

Half an hour later, Alistair was stuck with eight hyperactive boys in a 'sandbag fort'.

_Why me? _He thought. _Did I do something wrong? Is God trying to punish me for anything in particular?_

'Wizzo!' Mike 'Mikey' Yates squealed, his too-high voice making him sound like a creepy cartoon character. 'It's even better than a cushion one!'

'Yeah!'

'Thanks, Mister Sir!'

'Brigadier?' Jo sounded amused.

Alistair quickly stood up, scattering sandbags everywhere.

'What is it?' he said quickly, ignoring the indignant yells of his charges.

'The Doctor wants you. He thinks he knows what caused… this.'

'Mister Brig'dier Sir!' one boy yelled. 'Amos has been sick!'

'Ew!'

'Yucky!'

'Tell the Doctor,' Alistair said shakily, as further retching was heard from inside the broken fort, 'that I have a matter to attend to first. I'll be along soon.' He fought the urge to scream, as he approached the unfortunate Amos.

{DW}

After he had tracked the source of the problem (a dare to eat a worm from the lawn) and given both boys a good scolding, he made his way into the lab, where the Doctor was waiting impatiently.

'Good grief, Brigadier! You took long enough to… what in the name of Rassilon is that smell?'

'What appears to be the problem, Doctor?' Alistair said clearly, ignoring the comment.

'I've found the source of the problem. Apparently the pollen on the planet Flitterbloom contains some kind of anti-development solution. It must have got caught on my clothing before I came back here.'

'Are you saying that… well, never mind that. How come I wasn't affected and my men were?'

'Think, Brigadier! Jo and I are protected from the pollen because of the sanitized air of the TARDIS. However, this didn't stop the process working on those around us, which included your men who joined us in the canteen. We changed our clothes before we came into contact with you; that's why you haven't been acting any more childishly than usual.' _Ouch._

'Well, we can thank our lucky stars that it stopped working before any of the children disappeared altogether!' Jo said optimistically.

'And what an almighty shame that would be,' Alistair muttered.

Just then, Corporal Bell skipped over, and whispered into Alistair's ear, blushing slightly. He winced.

'If you'll excuse me, Doctor,' he said smartly, taking hold of the little girl's hand. 'Apparently Jenkins has had a little accident.'

{DW}

'Your moustache is big,' said Benton conversationally.

'Indeed.'

'Are you Hitler?'

'No, I am not Hitler, Benton.'

'Are you sure?' the Sergeant said suspiciously. 'It's just, that's the sort of thing that Hitler would say if someone asked him if he was Hitler. Which he is.'

'I checked very carefully after you first accused me of being Hitler in disguise, and I think that after the eighth time, I'm fairly positive,' Alistair replied reasonably.

'Well, you have to be sure. This is war, after all,' Benton said, sounding as though he was quoting WWII propaganda.

'What do you want to be when you grow up, John?'

'A soldier,' Benton said immediately. 'Dad's one, too. Chris says that fighting is silly. Where is Chris?'

'Um… not here?' Alistair answered lamely. Fortunately, the answer seemed to be good enough for the six-year-old, who was now wearing a thoughtful expression.

'I'm not meant to be here, am I?' He said finally.

'Not really.' Alistair truthfully said. 'Why do you think so?'

'Because when I first came, I was wearing big clothes, as if I was meant to be big but wasn't. Who was wearing them?'

'Well,' Alistair tried to put forward the events in a way which a child could understand. 'I know a very big man, whose name is John Benton.'

'Just like me!'

'Just like you. Except… not you, because he was much bigger and taller. And, um, there was a big Mikey too, and a big Carol, and so on. Anyway, somehow little John Benton- that's you- and big John Benton got swapped around. And all the others, too. Hopefully, you'll be swapped back round soon.'

'Is it okay if I tell the others?' Benton said shyly. 'None of them know what's going on, and now I do, so now they can.' Alistair realized that the children must be as confused as they were, and kicked himself for not trying to explain it to them.

'You do that. I bet you can do a much better job than me.'

'You did pretty well, Mister Sir. You're really nice…' John raced off to tell his new playmates what was going on, leaving the soldier to his thoughts.

{DW}

Finally, the Doctor's gadget was done. The Brigadier thanked the Lord that it wasn't to be injected. He could still remember the massive fuss about injections when he was small.

Somehow, they managed to get the Doctor's device, and all two hundred and twenty-seven de-aged UNIT members into the training hall. The Doctor pressed a button, and-

BANG!

Nobody could see for a few seconds, until the smoke cleared to show all the extremely confused soldiers restored to their original size… and mostly naked. Sergeant Benton could clearly be heard muttering,

'Oh no, not again…'

The Doctor and Jo sighed happily. However, their relief was shattered as a wail pierced the air, causing all personnel to look round. Well, almost all…

'Good grief! How did that happen?'

Everyone looked down, to see a baby almost submerged in the Brigadier's uniform.

'Oh, dear.'

**The End – well, nearly.**


End file.
